5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
