he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
