Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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