The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My vagina just recognized that song.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
