i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hello my rib-scented angel!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
