I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
