I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
