his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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