I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i think i just naturally attract stoners
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
