Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
