Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
