Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
