halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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