I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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