I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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