Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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