so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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