the new term for farting is butt boxing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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