Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
