forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
