Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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