Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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