my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
