I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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