Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
