Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
