I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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