i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
