how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
A bitchslap is in order.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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