i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
