I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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