dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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