and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
