I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
