Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
