so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
