Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
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That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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