Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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