I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
