I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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