1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
