So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
