do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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