A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
