I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
