she takes plan B like it's going out of style
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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