Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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