Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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