I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
