Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
