i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
third nipple confirmed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
