I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
