new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I need to align my fucking chakras
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
