my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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