okay pat passed out under dana's car
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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