you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
