Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
