I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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