I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
