Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
