no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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