In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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