your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
