I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
