my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
