We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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