they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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