dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
