I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
