i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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