Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I want a musical about memes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
