Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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