flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I understand Curling. That high.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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