Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
