Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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