allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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