I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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