True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
