Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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