So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
