My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
