Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
