there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it was like eating out sand paper
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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