How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
