okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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