i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
