My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
