do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
