mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
