so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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