OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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