ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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